One of the things I was so pleased about with Modpo was that I was able to break free of a three years’ long writer’s block. I was thrilled to be writing again.
Two months later, I find that the block is not completely broken. I can write, so long as I’m using aleatoric or uncreative methods like flarf- but I am not yet able to write completely in my own voice. I cannot find the words, and when I do it is overdone and clumsy. There’s a few examples of that here on this blog. I find I have the same difficulty as when I try to do representational art- I end up trying too hard to get it “right,” and the work gets stulted and exaggerated, like the work of a young child trying too hard.
I’m grateful to be writing and creating, and I accept that for now (and maybe indefinitely) these are the methods I need to use to create- but at times it’s very frustrating not to be able to directly express what’s inside me. For now, I trust the process. I have no other choice.
Directness is highly overrated, and in some ways it is lazy. Indirectness often leads to more depth and insight. What I’m trying to do is use the random/appropriated material to prime the pump. It’s all in the arrangement.
I know it, Rob, and you know I feel the same. The Dadaesque nature of these methods actually fits well with my day-to-day experience. But you know, sometimes when you feel strongly about something, you wanna just say it, and that’s frustrating when you can’t.
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you’ve got it – trust the process – don’t overly process. that said, perhaps I don’t process enough for I rely heavily on stream writing, perhaps that is laziness, though… keep on ~ a
I don’t think it is laziness at all. I have a hypertrophied left-brain hypercritical superego that criticizes everything I do creatively. Aleatoric methods and stream-of consciousness help bypass it.
get frustrated when ego starts to get in the way- as can happen when I’m in continuing medical education hell as I am now.
I started another flarf this evening but it didn’t come out well… hopefully have something new later tonight or tomorrow.
Sometimes, when ego gets in the way, I chafe at being a beginner.
You feeling any better?