One of the things I was so pleased about with Modpo was that I was able to break free of a three years’ long writer’s block. I was thrilled to be writing again.
Two months later, I find that the block is not completely broken. I can write, so long as I’m using aleatoric or uncreative methods like flarf- but I am not yet able to write completely in my own voice. I cannot find the words, and when I do it is overdone and clumsy. There’s a few examples of that here on this blog. I find I have the same difficulty as when I try to do representational art- I end up trying too hard to get it “right,” and the work gets stulted and exaggerated, like the work of a young child trying too hard.
I’m grateful to be writing and creating, and I accept that for now (and maybe indefinitely) these are the methods I need to use to create- but at times it’s very frustrating not to be able to directly express what’s inside me. For now, I trust the process. I have no other choice.